Twenty So Far

When I started this blog I meant for it to be something that would become a big part of my life; I didn't mean to abandon it after only one post. As usual, life got in the way of my plans, but my eyes are starting to open now and I don't want to let this fall by the wayside anymore.

Being twenty isn't much different than being nineteen. Actually, it hasn't been different for me at all up until now. The last couple of months have been very rough on me. A friendship that I thought would last forever has ended, and I am still trying to deal with that loss. I can't say that either one of us is to blame. We reached an impasse and no matter how difficult it has been for me to accept I know that things can never go back to how they used to be. In the wake of this loss, however, I have been blessed enough to call someone new my best friend. Kylla is the kind of person that is always encouraging and supportive. We laugh together, get scared together, cry together. Ours is as unorthodox and inappropriate as a friendship can be, and am very thankful for that.

For some reason or another, I often find it difficult to sleep at night. My mind seems to think that bedtime is the appropriate time to contemplate all of the problems in the world. So instead of sleeping, I think. Last night I had a revelation of sorts, and I finally feel like I am moving in the right direction, like I know what God is calling me to do. I think that he has been calling for a while now, and that I let my own desires, and my fears stop me from listening. But I hear hear Him now. I am going to teach... kindergarten or maybe first grade. All of this time I have been thinking I'm a writer, so I have to write. I've been searching for something that would let me do it all, and this has been right under my nose all along. I love children more than I can even express, and I love writing as much as I love to breathe. With teaching I don't have to give up on anything. I'll have built in vacations. I'll never have to worry about spending time away from family on the Holidays and I can write pretty much the entire Summer. More importantly, I can teach little kids how to read, and introduce them to the magical world of books that has always played such a big role in my life. Who knows? Maybe I won't write the next great American novel... but maybe one of my students will! I want to be the person that inspires them. I want to be the teacher that they remember for the rest of their lives.  This feels so right for me. I feel like I can finally breathe again. I feel like everything is changing and I am ready for it. I know that changing my major isn't going to be easy. I know that I'm going to have to make a lot of adjustments, but I know this is going to be worth it.