Beginning Again

For the first time in my adult life I feel a sense of stability. My boyfriend and I are living together, I have a job as a teller with my bank, and recently, after years of struggling with depression, I decided to seek help. I spoke with my doctor, and she gave me a prescription for Escitalopram (generic for Lexapro). I have not been diagnosed with depression, and I have not yet spoken to a therapist about my problems, but I started taking my prescription last month. So far it seems to be helping. I feel like my mood is generally more stable, but sometimes I still feel anxious and overwhelmed.

When I was a teenager I thought that having a boyfriend would fix all of my problems. I thought that if someone else loved me that nothing else would matter. Now that I am an adult, I know how naive I was. As wonderful as my relationship is, my issues with food have not been magically healed by having a boyfriend. Time after time I have pledged to lose weight. I have made plans, I have set goals, I have vowed to revamp my entire life. Time after time I have failed. Now I feel that I am finally ready to commit to making a change. I know that my weight loss journey will never be easy, but I believe that I will be successful in my endeavor with the love and support of my friends, my family, and most importantly my God.

I currently weigh 258.6 lbs. My goal is to lose 93.6 lbs. over 40 weeks beginning July 21. I plan to lose 3.6 lbs. per week during the first four weeks, then 1.8 lbs. each following week.

August 18 244.2 lbs.              Get an ActiveLink Activity Monitor,

                                                    and Hand Weights

September 15 229.8 lbs.        Get a Food Scale, Oil Sprayer,

                                                    and Salad Dressing Cruet

October 13 215.4 lbs.            Get Heart Tattoo

November 10 201 lbs.           Get a Mani-Pedi

December 8 193.8 lbs.          Get Dad Tattoo

January 5 186.6 lbs.              Get a New Wallet

February 2 179.4 lbs.            Get a New Purse

March 2 172.2 lbs.                Get Key Tattoo

March 30 165 lbs.                 Get a New Wardrobe

I may re-work goals/ rewards until July 21. I will not receive rewards unless goals are met.

It's A New Dawn, It's A New Day

Welp, it's now 2013, and if you're reading this congratulations because you've survived the apocalypse. I wonder how many more times in my life the world will be predicted to end. I guess it just goes to show that life goes on. You never know what might happen because everything is constantly moving and changing. This life is unpredictable!

If you had asked me where I'd be today a year ago I would have been completely off base. I could never have guessed that 2012 would be the most dynamic year of my life so far. It held the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I gained a friendship that I had once lost, and never expected to rekindle. I decided to officially take a break from school and work full time. I joined weight watchers, and lost over thirty pounds. I had my first kiss. I fell in love for the first time. I felt happier than I thought was possible. Then I experienced my first real heartbreak, one that I was certain I would never get over. I left Panera for a better paying desk job at a bank. And thank God I did, because then I met Andy. Sure we had already known each other as coworkers, but we didn't really know each other until then. Things with us moved quickly, and shortly thereafter I found that I had my first real boyfriend, and all of the wonderful firsts that come along with that. I turned twenty one, and I fell in love. I introduced a boy to my family for the first time. I got to experience the nerves that come along with meeting a boyfriend's mom for the first time. Fortunately my family loves Andy, and I love his! I spent my first holiday with a boyfriend, away from my family. I gained back all of the weight I'd lost. I decided to (when financially possible) go back to school and teach Kindergarten. And, here's the big one, for the first time I was told by the person that I am in love with that he loves me too. And I've had a million crazy, funny, and wonderful moments in between.

This year held a lot of pain for me, but also so much joy. In looking back the good far overshadowed the bad. I am so grateful for all of the blessings that God has graced me with this past year, and I am so looking forward to what this next year holds in store for me. Beginning today I hope to start living a cleaner, healthier lifestyle. I hope to strengthen my relationship with God, as well as my relationships with friends, family, and my wonderful boyfriend. I hope to move forward with my education and my future career. It's scary knowing that my roomie of three years will be leaving me this year, but I know that we will be lifelong friends. Everything seems to be falling into place, if not the way I might have imagined. God has big plans for me, and I am looking forward to His map being revealed to me piece by piece in the coming months.