It's crazy how much and how quickly everything can change. I feel like a totally different person from the last time that I updated. In the last few months I have gotten a new "grown up" job, started dating an incredible person that makes me so happy every single day, turned twenty one, and I have also gained about twenty pounds. I have good days and bad days as far as my emotions go. I think the good days are coming around more often as each day goes by. I know that I am incredibly blessed in this life, although sometimes it can feel impossible. It's so totally crazy how different things are now. At the beginning of this year I had never even had a real kiss, and now I'm in a relatively serious relationship with someone that I truly care for, and that cares for me just as much. I've met his mom; he's met most of my family, and we see each other almost every day. I can't believe how truly blessed I am to have found someone so amazing, especially in a time in my life that was so full of turmoil.
To put it in some perspective for those of you that don't know, we met at Panera. He's an assistant manager there and we worked together for a while. I got a full time job with Stillwater National Bank as a document imaging clerk, and put in my two weeks notice immediately. On my last day at Panera he asked me for number and the rest I guess is history. I never expected us. I wasn't looking for a relationship at all. My heart was still pretty broken from the last time, and I didn't think that I could handle it again. I remember very specifically on my first day of work my supervisor asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend. When I said no she said, "You aren't looking for mister right, are you?" I answered with a definite "No, not right now." I was so certain... and so I was so wrong. I think sometimes God makes things like this happen for pure entertainment value.
As far as the rest of my life goes it's been just okay. I was really excited about my new job when I started, but I don't feel fulfilled. It's definitely not a forever sort of job. I'm still looking for that certain something that fills me with passion and excitement. I know there's something out there waiting for me; I just have to find it. My eating habits have been atrocious since I started this job. I weighed myself this morning at 236.4 pounds. I am totally disgusted with that number. I re-joined weight watchers and I refuse to look back. It's beyond the point of being unacceptable and I will no longer stand for it. I also started working on my bedroom today. It has been in shambles for the better part of this year and it is hindering any and all of my productivity. I can't function when everything around me is in such a state of disarray. I know that it's going to take a long time to pull myself back together, but I am in a better place now than I have been for a long time. I feel myself getting excited for the future again and that feels nice. I won't give up; I won't back down. I'm ready to start this journey again, and I realize that there will be bumps in road, but I will power through. When I stop for a moment and look around I remember that I have a pretty spectacular support system that I so thankful for. I know that they won't let me fall.
My God is with me always, and if my God is with me whom then shall I fear?
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